for most of my life, the little voice inside my head has been on tireless repeat, spinning the simple words over and over again until they are so deeply ingrained into my being that i can hardly separate them from air coming in and going out: “i am not good enough, i am not good enough, i am not good enough yet."
i’m a virgo, an admitedly passionate pursuer of perfection, which is both a point of pride and the horrifying, all-encompassing bane of my existence. i’m writing this entry as an addict, a person wholly consumed by the constant pressure from my industry, my generation, and, most poignantly, myself. i’m ready to break the cycle. i’m ready to start accepting and absorbing and allowing rather than pushing and berating and making myself miserable.
it’s time. i’m happier than ever, desperately in love, and am slowly crawling back toward good health. i’m working hard on getting my body to a place where, for once in my life, i can be proud of the skin i wear every day. what a GIFT that would be— even just a moment’s rest from the persistant part of my brain that knows nothing but criticism. it has to come from the inside out.
i’m starting to audition again, throwing myself back into the shark pit that is being an actress in new york city. it’s time to start believing again, to leave behind the ifs and buts and somedays, to trade them in for yes and and andnow.
let’s make it an epidemic. let’s get out there and change the world.