i’ve entered an area of discovery. of new artists; writers, painters, and poets. with these discoveries come palpable moments of victory and illumination, of something in my heart that says “yes, this feels right, this makes sense.”

my heart, which has never felt quite as full as it does right now, feels as if the light emanating from my insides might break me open and overtake me, my bedroom, tenth avenue.

anais nin, extraordinary writer and enlightened thinker writes:

“i disregard the proportions, the measures, the tempo of the ordinary world. i refuse to live in the ordinary world as ordinary women. to enter ordinary relationships. i want ecstasy. i am a neurotic — in the sense that I live in my world. i will not adjust myself to the world. i am adjusted to myself.”

her confidence, her faith that she has the power to make her world spin exactly as she would like it to, is staggering. she bravely posits that there are precious moments when things can be just as one imagines, that daydreams, fever dreams, pipe dreams, and fantasies can manifest themselves right in the palms of our hands. that we are powerful creatures. that we have fingers dipped into the creation of our own destinies.

“we do not see things as they are,” she muses, “we see them as we are. “

and i’m learning to see things differently — to listen hard, to pay attention, to press and pull and shake and shift until all the pieces of myself are shiny and awake. until each particle is in alignment and this light, intoxicating and new, breaks through, overtaking my body, my bedroom, tenth avenue.